Passive Agressiveness

Concepts, Social

My Aikido associaton has classes at the Helsinki Olympic Stadium which houses many kinds of other athletic activities. One of the things I like about the place is the feeling of history of sweating and human resolve in those halls. Some of these other arts have their classes along the corridor I take to the locker rooms. Most along that corridor are various kinds of dance-classes. I usually just walk pass them, merely glancing inside, only catching a glimpse of the dedicated female bodies sweating inside.

Today I wasn’t going to the regular practice but to see the graduation for this springs beginners class. I was early, since I didn’t have to change or anything. I decided to take a more than a mere glance on one of those dancing classes. So be it. I was set.

Only one door was invitingly open. In Aikido, all the classes are open for spectators, anyone can come around and watch the practice. I assumed this applies to other physical arts. Especially one like dance with its ungodly provocative shaking of the pelvis and… you know where it all leads to! Teen pregnancy and broken homes. I stop at the doorway, watching openly, not hiding my intentions, I’m curious to what goes inside.

Less than minute (no, I’m not exaggeratin the time even for the purposes of an anecdote) the teacher of the class approaches me and utters:”Excuse me, I’d like to close the door a bit… I can’t concentrate (with you watching)” and proceeds to close the door on my face.

Instead of approaching me directly and telling me that me standing there was bothering her, she decided to close the door “a bit”.

Passive Agressive.

From now on, when ever I pass those open doors, I will avert my eyes, being careful not to catch any glimpses inside. I won’t make any eye contact with people I see leaving or entering those rooms. I shall also scowl out load when anyone ever confesses to practicing one of those dances.

“That’s OK, we make new ones”

Nostalgia, personal

Way back in the 90’s a somewhat renowned Finnish sci-fi author and comics writer Johanna Sinisalo visited my local library as a guest for the local Friend’s of the Library Association. The visit was informal with around ten people present. She told us among other things about her career, telling us that she nearly graduated from something, missing only her thesis work and I remember thinking that that doesn’t count and I still agree…

She told also about her views on sci-fi and how she felt that it’s not supposed to foretell future, but to tell something about this day and age by projecting things somewhere else. She also said something I fehemently disagree with, if I remember correctly, that sci-fi’s role is not to entertain first but to ‘say something’. My memory faulters and that’s the clearest I can put it. In my mind the purpose of all art is first and foremost to entertain and if you disagree, I’m sorry you have such a narrow view of entertainment.

Johanna Sinisalo has wrote what I think is the best Finnish sci-fi short story called “Suklaalaput”. It is a story of a generational spaceship with a carefully crafted and balanced economy/production/economy system and how it crumbles when tokens for chocolate-rations are introduced (hence the name). Since not everybody enjoyes chocolate as much as everyone else, those tokens have value, and thus become the local currency. I didn’t have the guts to confess my admiration in that meeting, even though it was informal and quite intimate. Sometime around then a friend of mine described her looks saying “she looks like a feminist”. That should net him a few hundred years in the purgatory.

I had a second chance when she published her first novel and was giving an interview in an art festival. I didn’t have the guts then either. Her novel went on to win the most prestigious literary award in Finland, the Finlandia Prize. I could have bought the first edition and gotten a dedication for it too…

Johanna Sinisalo is one of the nominees for this years Nebula Award with her novelette “Baby Doll”.

My Ideal Woman

Hedonism, personal

My ideal woman doesn’t work in a traditional woman’s job. She will be a black smith or a police, alternatively she will run a business of her own with the huge inheritance she has received from her “grandparents”. She practices at least one martial art and she’s keen to experiment with her physical abilities. She’d be glad to try new things (such as parkour) and approaches them with intrigue and patience.

She will be quite tall and as the result of her self-confidence, she won’t wear high-heels and although she rarely does wear one, she looks absolutely smashing in a suit. Her silhouette is classic, akin to Joely Richardson, otherwise her looks bare a striking resemblance to Rachael Stirling. On her face she has a small scar, partly crossing her upper lip. She received the scar when a mountain lion attacked her on a hiking trip. Her bra size is a D but on occasion, depending on the manufacturer, she’s resorted to a bigger size. She keeps her hair short and has, at least on one occasion, shaven her head completely, a feat she can get away with with her bone structure.

She understands that that which makes female legs interesting is the calf and is appreciative in displaying them. Her favourite way to do so is to sit in the morning sun, infront of a french window, sipping coffee, reading Donald Duck’s pocketbook, wearing cargo-pants, with her other leg lifted up on the arm rest of my favourite chair, where she is sitting.

Her only physical characteristic that might not strike as perfect is her slightly proportionately large feet.

Her approach to computers is pragmatic, she has ascended at least two characters in Nethack and is working on her pacifist-ascension. She has produced at least one patch to Nethack “because it was the only way to have a ferret as a pet”.

Her personal conduct is slightly frivolous, her signs of affection can be surprising and bordering on lewd. Her sexual conduct is omitted from this entry apart from her being a willing proponent of pegging.

She is immortal. In this timeline one of her names has been Ada Lovelace. When all is said and done and it’s her time to try out a new one, she will share the gift of immortality with me and will also reveal the location of an ancient timemachine. All thanks to my performance as a Man.

It’s Called Football for a Reason

Nostalgia

I underestimated the amount of food I’d require today so at one point I found myself hungry. I proceeded to make my way to the pub around the corner (literally) to get some pizza. As is often the case in these establishments, they were showing football on the television.

As I waited for my order to arrive, this display brought back some memories from when I used to play football myself. This might come as a surprise to people, including me, who are aware of my lack of interest in football. It was one of those things that your parents dragged you into (literally). I have no bad memories of my experience in the field, just a certain feeling of confusion. I never really knew the rules that well, or who against we were playing. I don’t even remember why I quit playing. I don’t remember the coaches or anything they ever said so I guess I sort of slipped through the fingers. A few distinct pieces of memory are stuck in my mind.

I remember when I started, we were given proper jersies with our numbers and teamname printed on them. At some point they were replaced and we were given rather thin shirts instead. I remember one late-summer day, riding my bike home, in the pouring rain, with that thin shirt cold against my skin. At the beginning of one game, I started on the bench and was substituted to the field at some point. As I ran to the field, I passed my substitutee and we promptly exchanged mid-fives. I remember this because it sort of hit to me after that thats what you’re supposed to do that in that situation and the other person responded correctly!

In one game I remember getting some kind of huge inspiration and ran after the ball like crazy! At some point I tripped somewhere and was quite disappointed when nothing came out of it. I was hurt! We never practiced any tricks, just played. That was a slight disappointment.

Even with premium football experience like this, it took me some 20+ years to understand what an off-side is.

The Prize For the Development of Kimmo Strong Artificial Intelligence

AI, KSAI

I am introducing a prize for the succesful development of a Kimmo Strong Artificial Intelligence. This prize will go to the individual or individuals or an organization, be it for-profit or not-for-profit, who produce an Artificial Intelligence that satisfy the requirements for an Kimmo Strong Artificial Intelligence:

“When presented with (whatever means possible) Carl Barks’ whole production of Donald Duck comics, the AI can produce an (practically) infinite number of comics which, in no discernible way, differ in style or quality from any selected one of those by Carl Barks.”

Choosing the recipient of the prize is left entirely at the discretion of me (Kimmo Savolainen). The prize money for winning is at the moment of posting 10€, subject to increase in the future.

Ideas For Future or Present Time Travellers Who Lack Imagination

Hedonism, KSAI, Nostalgia

It was exactly a year ago that I set my foot in Helsinki. This and the New Year (of which, I wish Happy for my readership) has prompted me to write some words of advice and inspiritation for any future or present time travellers.

Before anything else, a few words on building a time machine. First of all, your time machine will need to accommodate for travelling between parallel universes. If it doesn’t, your enjoyment and options are severely limited. If you have only one universe and you go back in time in it, you have changed it forever (from the moment you entered the past). You can’t go back in to the future and return to the set-up that you left. This is a consequence of the butterfly effect in practice and the further back in time you go, the more the moment you left from, will have changed if you are to return to it.

People make mistakes and this kind of situation is not a favourable one for a time traveller. What you want is the ability to change from parallel universes (of which there are practically an unlimited number of identical ones with this one) to another. This means that you can return to the point in time where you left and have it appear (in any conceivable way) identical to the one you left, regardless of what happened in the past.

Once you’ve built your time machine or modified your existing one to accommodate this feature, we are free to explore the fun stuff you can do with it! There are other things that might be beneficial for a time traveller, such as immortality or the ability to make a back-up of yourself, but I won’t go into them here.

1. Seduce a celebrity

Most celebrities are normal people before they became celebrities. With the knowledge you’ve learned about them during their public career, you can go back in time when they still weren’t famous and seduce them using that information!

2. Obtain unbeforeseen-works from your favourite artist.

Thanks to the butterfly effect, you can go back in time to a suitable moment and make any change in it, really, appearing there is enough of a change. Your favourite artist will live in a different universe than the one where you originated from and will produce works of art that differ from the ones you know. They might show similarities with the one’s you’re familiar with, but it’s practically impossible for them to be exactly the same than in your original universe. Subsequently, this is pretty much what KSAI offers as well.

3. Get rich

Pretty much the standard thing to do. Lottery won’t do it, thanks again to the butterfly effect but buying the right stock would almost definetely work. Locating lost treasures, works or art works as well.

4. Make sure that Babbage gots his act together.

Is going to have gotten? I don’t know, but Steampunky world is too romantic to ignore. Steam-powered mechanical computers? Come on!

5. Live the perfect day/week/month/year over and over again.

This is the Groundhog Day -method. It’s your payday, first vacation-day, your SO is running hot, the weather is beautiful, whatever the circumstances are that make a perfect day, you can rewind and have another go. There won’t be any surprises though, so my take would be to concentrate on satisfying basic needs. The longer the time you spend reliving the higher the possibility of something unexpected happening.

Of course there are plenty of other choices, but these are those that tickle my fancy the most. I didn’t get into the ethics of these situations or time travel in general since it probably makes a boring post, but you are free to engage in that discussion in the comments! If there are any time travellers reading this, it would be nice to get a ‘hi!’ from them. No posers!

On Failure

Concepts

As a former (and recouperating) failure, I am a fond proponent of failing. Not in the sense that you should aim to fail, but how you respond to it once you do. This Saturday I attended the first Aikido dan-graduation in my life. Dan-graduation is quite different from kyu-graduations. It is more formal, it usually takes place along a seminar, is, of course, more demanding and is judged by three people from the Aikido federation of Finland.

Three out of four applicants for the 2.dan were disqualified. Apparently this was something unheard of. As one of the judges marked, if you don’t get disqualified in a graduation at least once in your life, it’s hard to become a good budokan.

A failure is fruitful way to learn something. I don’t mean to learn a simple proposition, I mean something a bit more fundamental of nature; proper ways to conduct yourself, new ways to think, adjusting your set of values. Failing gives you limits. If you succeed all the time, how would you know what you are doing right or whether is all to up to luck? What if one day you have to change the way you do things for any number of reasons? Now everything that has worked so far just doesn’t, and you have no idea why, you probably don’t even recognize why you are failing all of a sudden. You’re stuck on a single mode of thinking, doing, learning, existing…etc. As Calvin (as impersonating his father) once marked:”Feeling lousy builds character”.

When you’ve failed in a <insert a set of circumstances here>, by all means gripe about it, get pissed, blame it on the judges, vow revenge (in your mind) and then get over it. You can always try again, and nothing, NOTHING, you’ve done so far has been wasted.

So kids, fail early, fail often, blame everybody and everything else, then blame yourself (because you’re the real cause), take heed and learn about it. Then shrug it off and continue your life. Am I making myself clear? Bueller?

Time to Change

Current Matters, personal, This Blog

Not too long ago, I attended a cinematic event. Now that I can actually afford them I’ve grown to dislike them more and more. My biggest gripe are the advertisements. I’ve payed dear money for the priviledge and then they see it fit to show me probably the finest concentration of tripe known to man. Some of the ads are obviously mean’t for radio. Thats multimedia for you.

In that sea of meaninglessness something caught my attention as I was hoping to see Tropic Thunder instead. It was an ad for some jewelry which was apparently an improved version. Thus it had “2.0” added to its brand name.

Internet, I’ve known since my Blog began in it’s present form that the name was already a tired joke and that there would be a time when even Stephen Colbert would announce that it’s done. At that moment, in that movie theatre, when that deep voice claimed the reason for naming that jewelry something + “2.0” it was clear to me that now was that time. It’s time to get back to basics.

Ladies and Gentlemen, fÃ¥r jag presentera… Kimmo’s Blog (classic)!

On Greeting

Concepts, Inquiry, Social

I have a vague feeling of déjà vu that I’ve written this post already, but the subject bears repeating.

I’m working with a few preconditions of human nature with one of them being that humans like to see that they have some kind of effect on and in the world that they live in. This explains the subtle enjoyment one gets from cracking the ice of small ponds on a cold morning or why some people build models or any of the huge number of human endeavours that exhibit this idea.

Being social creatures that we are, we also like to see that we have an effect on other humans. We like to be acknowledged by them and recognized by them. I honestly think that you could drive anyone mad by just everybody not paying any attention to him/her or engaging in any interaction with them apart from the smallest possible amount. For example, if you tried to talk to people at work, they wouldn’t respond with anything meaningful, just grunts or shrugs. No matter what you said. Any questions at the supermarket would be met with I-don’t-know’s and I-guesses.

It is exactly because of this need for recognition that makes people greet each other. It is the assumption that if I acknowledge you, you will acknowledge me in turn. It is because of this fundamental link with basic human needs and traits that makes greeting an activity in need of as little as possible of reasons. Greeting should be acceptable in any situation. You should never have to explain why you greeted someone.

For any number of reasons, listed in this post or otherwise, I genuinely think that the world would be a bit better place if people greeted each other more often.

I’m Officially Certified!

Beginnings, Current Matters, personal

Certified ScrumMaster that is. I took a two-day course, led by Jens Østergaard and James O. Coplien, both outstanding lectureres. It wasn’t an impediment that the subject matter hit my local repository of human experience and values with good matches. Which means to say that I agreed on the explicit and implicit values and preconditions within Scrum.

It is kind of ironic but I recognize that the characteristics of Scrum that speak the most sense to me probably make it also incredibly difficult to wield in practice. For example, in Scrum, no-one and I mean no-one, can come and tell the development Team what they should be doing. The Team selects and co-ordinates itself, what it is going to do. But the Team itself is not responsible for the process and results, the ScrumMaster is. The ScrumMaster owns the process, i.e. is responsible that everything is running smoothly, including doing any- and everything to remove obstacles from the Team.

If there’s anyone wondering what’s the point of majoring in Philosophy in the Real World(tm), acquiring and assimilating different ways of thinking is probably a lot easier. I feel that I have at least one new one in my toolbox now.